The middle of last week she also told him that Maximus has been transitioned out of the pack and play. WHAT?! WHY?! {That was my honest reaction.} She said that he was sleeping on the floor or a cot during naps. One day she had another little boy go wake him up. {They all sleep in the same room.} MY LITTLE BABY! He’s sleeping on a cot, next to his little friends who are all a lot older than him. {1-3 years.} My heart. It doesn’t know what to think. I can’t imagine us trying to move him to a big boy bed and reasoning with him enough so that he stays in bed. Ya, right! That daycare lady. She has magical powers over that kid. He doesn’t mess with her! And he sleeps on a cot during nap time!

How in the world did he get old enough to not be confined during nap time?

Yesterday, he was eating a snack at the table. He was being good, despite the turmoil that walked into our house 20 minutes earlier. All of a sudden the chair hit the floor. Like fell straight backwards. Without making noise, he had moved his legs up and pushed off of the table. The result was his chair flying backwards. Bless my husband’s quick reaction. He shot up from the chair and got him out of the chair before Maximus had moved beyond the silent cry. It was one of the scariest sounds and moments in our lives. Somehow, my child doesn’t even have a bump. Neither of us understands it at all. From the height when he’s in the chair, his head should have hit the chair or the tile floor. I guess he must have leaned forward the whole time. So! Now we have to figure out how to feed him without this happening again. Bryan hovered next to him while he ate supper. It makes it a little difficult to do any multi-tasking of preparing meals and serving.

What do you do to make sure your child doesn’t tip over? 

With a little imagination to my outfit, I decided it was only appropriate to match my shirt to my cast. After all, it’s probably the only time I’ll wear jeans with my cast. I am a little nervous about taking them off, it was tight maneuvering them. I know I wouldn’t have been able to wear them a week ago because I had to contort my foot to get them on. BUT! I’m wearing jeans! It makes me feel semi-normal again. My next dilemma is whether jeans are appropriate to wear to my board meeting tonight. Normally I wouldn’t worry about it since I have an excuse, but we’re having pictures taken. It’s not ideal, but I’m also not confident that dress pants will fit over the cast. So, I might focus on dressing up the top half of my body and hope the dark jeans blend in. Two “real” outfits in one day! Whoa.

My first outing went well. Taxes, wahoo. I could have done without the slight incline and wind trying to push me backwards on the way to the building. That’s hard when you’re on crutches. I think it was my longest walk on crutches, plus the incline and wind. I was very winded by the time I got to sit down! It also made me lightheaded. I guess that’s a good indication of what my body can handle right now. Recovery is going to be a long road cardio and muscle wise.

As we were getting ready to leave lunch, a couple stopped by our booth. The woman was so nice. She told me that two years later she was wearing boots with heels and doing just fine. So, whatever my break was I would be back to normal in no time. Her injuries were A LOT worse than mine, but it was so sweet for her to stop by and reassure me. At this point, my mental game is pretty good. Those words would have been amazing a month ago when I was really struggling. Nonetheless, it was still nice to hear that everything will be normal again. This will all be a distant memory…someday.

I watch him run quickly to follow his dada. Not letting anything escape his watchful eye. And if he should escape him, he runs through the house saying, “Daaada! Daaada?” Then yells, “hi!” once he finds him. Or other times decides it’s a game to find dada and yells, “boo!” when he finds him. I listen to him run to the laundry room to get his coat when his dada leaves. I listen to him as he struggles to get his coat on. He comes around the corner with one are in the wrong sleeve and grunts for help. He carries shoes into the living room while saying, “shhhsss.” He runs to the front door and rummages through the hats and mittens. He puts a stalking hat on and runs into the living room to show off his work, while grinning ear-to-ear. He brings along a mitten for me to put on and then he claps his hands to listen to the sound.

When someone gives him something to do, he runs with such intensity. A chubby-faced toddler on a very serious mission. One hand swinging quickly at his side, while his chubby feet move as quickly as they can. His chubby cheeks shake with each step. Eyes down as he concentrates on the next step. His right thumb in his mouth. Serious business happens at our house. He takes each job very seriously, even if you don’t know he has one. Miss a chance to include him and his face crumbles. Lips curl up. Eyes shut. Tears fall. To the ground he quickly slumps. His hands come up to his eyes to rub away the tears as he expresses his sadness in not helping. {I use the opportunity to check the status of his teeth.}

I hear him huffing and puffing in the hallway. I wiggle around on the couch so I can see him as he rounds the corner. He’s carrying a basket that was filled with toys. Grunting and groaning as his little arms hold on to the handles and he struggles with each step to just.make.it.to.mama. He hands me the basket and releases a huge sigh of relief. I look in the basket and see that it is mostly empty, but there are a few toys. At the end of the night, without suggestion, he picks up his basket and starts the long trek back to his room. Where it landed, I have no idea. I’m sure in the middle of the floor and not back on the shelf, but that’s meaningless to me. He picked up his toys without me asking him to. He remembered that he brought something from his room that should be taken back. {Let’s not talk about the other bedroom toys that are blinding me with their primary brightness on the living room floor.}

I watch him from across the room as he sits at the table like a big boy. When I broke my foot he was still using the tray on his chair. He was sitting next to the table. Now, he’s sitting at the table without the tray. He’s eating off of plates and out of bowls {he was before too}, but they sit ON.THE.TABLE. I watch the concentration it takes to shovel piece after piece into his chubby face. Sometimes using his silverware and somethings using his hands. I don’t care about silverware or hands. It’s a learning experience for him. I watch him make his goldfish “swim” like daddy used to do to him. I watch him sign more as he tries to say the word. It sounds a lot like “mama.” I watch him vigorously sign please as he says “pees.” Please comes more naturally now, almost without suggestion. Thank you is fewer and further between without prompting.

I pull out my phone to take a picture of him. He glances up from playing with a car. He crinkles his nose and smiles as he walks at me. He wants to see the picture. He wants to have the phone. He quickly puts it up to his ear and says, “ello?” I distract him by pulling up a video of him playing drums. He watches with astonishment. I wonder if he knows that’s him. He has to, right? He sees Bryan in the background and says, “Dada!” The video ends and he tries to make it play again. We watch it numerous times and he glances at his drums each time it ends. In an effort to hide my phone, I tell him to go play his drums. I watch him grab his drum sticks and arrange the drums how he wants them {two drums and a tupperware}. He bangs on them with a rhythm I don’t have. I assume this is a natural toddler thing until I see a child older than him bang on them. I realize that Maximus has picked up much more from his daddy. I hope that he’ll enjoy music as much too.

This little 18-month old is fascinating to watch. He’s always busy learning and doing. If there is a bright side to being on bed rest, it is watching this little guy. My heart was pretty full of love for this little guy. Watching him learning and grow every day only makes it overflow.

It’s a lot different on Facebook. There’s a lot of gloom and doom and not for the families. In fact, I don’t think I’ve seen anything about the families. Maybe that means I don’t know anyone who knows anyone who is related. {Did you follow that anyone and who madness?} Or maybe that means I follow a lot of people who are spending more time dogging on the town I grew up in. There are a lot of people asking what our town has become and other similar comments. I don’t exactly share their views. I should mention that I have a few friends who have called out all the negativity. It makes me happy to see these comments. They are completely correct.

Yes, there are always some bad apples in the bunch. We’re a free society, after all. Let’s spend less time criticizing the actions of a few people and spend more time putting in an effort to make sure our town is what we want it to be. It’s the classic example of criticizing something but doing nothing. What makes you any better? You may not be breaking the law, but you’re not doing anything to better the community either. But you are bringing it down. You’re spreading negativity. I’m not pretending to be all high and mighty. There’s more I could do to be involved, but I do take pride in the board of directors that I am involved in. It’s taught me that I want to be involved. I want to help the community. I may only be able to do it one organization at a time, but I’m doing what I can to give back. It’s helped me see what my future can be. I’m involved with so many great people who are involved in so many organizations. Their lifestyles are much different than mine and they have more free time, but they are still great role models.

Regardless of your town, are you doing something to help your community?

Insomnia is real bad lately. Not just a night here or there. It’s EVERY night. I’m in a vicious cycle of sleeping between 2-6 am. A couple of times a week I fall asleep around midnight. Those are good nights. On the one hand, it’s fine that I don’t fall asleep early because I can sleep in. But, the dark hours aren’t very fun. The tossing and turning. The flying words. Endless attempts to try to find a comfortable position while I lay on my back. {I’m a tummy sleeper.}

My insomnia / sleep schedule / life lately has screwed up everything. I can’t fall asleep. I can’t wake up. I can’t think coherent thoughts during the day. My mind doesn’t stop turning off when the lights go out. It’s a vicious cycle and I don’t know how to break it! Going to bed a little earlier doesn’t work because I lay there tossing and turning regardless of the start time. I don’t know how I’m going to get back on the right schedule when I get to re-join society. My best hope is that I’ll be so physically exhausted from being able to get off the couch.

Yah, insomnia!

What do you do to break insomnia? That doesn’t involve getting up.  

I wake up the next morning and I have zero words. I have zero motivation to do anything on the lists. {All are possible from the couch.} Everything seems to take SO much energy. Or, I can’t do something because I don’t have the right tools on the couch. I don’t have a pen or my credit card.

The awake hours are meant to accomplish things. Why am I procrastinating so much that it’s screwing up my sleep schedule?!

I’ve been a very good patient and have followed the doctor’s orders. I haven’t spent much time upright and my foot has been elevated above my heart for six weeks. {Holy cow! Six weeks!} When I got this new cast put on I couldn’t imagine how I’d ever be able to walk again. Between my foot turning purple whenever it gets blood, to the swelling when it’s down, to the pain. I couldn’t see how it would ever STOP. And when he said I could use my foot to balance {but not put weight on it}, well I thought he was out of his mind!

I’m happy to say that a week into this new cast, I can use my foot to balance, sometimes, when I’m sitting down. That sounds ridiculous, right? I used to have to stick it out because of the pain. Now I can pretend put it down on the floor. It’s a hover dance essentially. I’ve tried to do the same when I’m standing, but it’s very difficult to stand and pretend use my foot without putting any weight on it. Difficult! I’ve often wondered if it would be easier if my broken foot wasn’t my dominate foot. {See also: the reason I can’t do ANYTHING. Crutches. One foot on the ground. The other balancing in the air or above the floor. Could you use our hands to do anything with all of that?!}

Wednesday was my turning point for pain. I didn’t have any until 10 pm! Thankfully it wasn’t too intense when it did start. Saturday was the next day that I experienced any kind of discomfort. {!!!} I feel like I’m finally experiencing a “normal” broken foot. I’ve even been able to lay on my side and sleep!

With this new turn of events, I’ve got some pretty hefty goals for the weekend. They include being upright a little more to see if I can get past the purple foot and swelling point. Maybe then my foot will self-regulate. {I’m not a doctor. I don’t know!} Right now I get very uncomfortable being upright because of it, but I wonder if I can stay upright long enough to get past it. So! I’m going to try drying and styling my hair! I’m also going to try to eat a meal or two at the table.

We’ve got big things going on this weekend. BIG. THINGS! I can’t wait until I have more exciting things to talk about instead of boring broken foot recovery posts.

I tell you, it’s hard on a marriage to be completely reliant on the other. I imagine it would be less of a deal if there wasn’t also a toddler and beagle involved. But, it’s our situation and we’re making it work. It helps that I know how he’s going to react before he does. And vice versa. I  know when he’s quiet and distant that he’s stressed out. I know when he sits down to take a break or falls asleep on the couch that he’s getting sick.

I may not be able to lend a hand and take care of a toddler while he works late, but I can pick up the phone and call in help. I can arrange for daycare pickup and dinner planning so he can spend a few more hours at work. I can ask someone else to change my bed sheets or do laundry. I can remind him to move something from the freezer to fridge so he doesn’t have to scramble for supper when the toddler is HUNGRY.

We’ve both had to change the way life is. Him picking up everything physical and me trying to stay a step ahead mentally. It’s not seamless by any means. And it’s far from fun, but we’re making it work the best way we can. Even though I’m spending my days and nights doing nothing, I can see when he needs out. I’m willing to sacrifice being bored for another night just so he can get out of the house and hang out with friends.

Marriage is a give and take. Some phases are more give, or in my instance more take.